Whitlam Institute

What Matters 2019 Tasmania Finalist Entries

2019 What Matters? Finalists

Day and Night, Forced to Fight - Chelsea Clarke

Day and Night, Forced to Fight

Runner-Up Year 9/10 Tasmania

Chelsea Clarke

Year 10, Reece High School

Somebody save me,

From my mind, I want to be free.

Can't get away from all this fear,

Constantly wishing I wasn't here.

 

What matters to you can be undone,

All because of someone's fun.

Shutting those you love out,

Adding some more personal doubt.

 

A fight you can't win,

Hope growing thin.

People claiming it's all just a lie,

As mentally you slowly die.

~

Shamed for what you eat and wear,

All this hatred you cannot bear.

Constant shame for your size,

Stop eating food! Do more exercise!

 

Clothes too small, clothes too big,

Body must resemble a twig.

Exercise more, sleep less,

Ongoing cycle, what a mess.

 

Do I purge? Do I not?

Throw it up! The whole lot!

Result to starvation, to lose the fat. Don't give up till your stomach's flat.

~

Wrists to canvases, Blades are pens,

Always praying for sooner ends.

The demons that consume me,

This is my everyday reality.

 

My darkness consumes the light,

Every second of the day is a constant fight. Darkness surrounds my life,

My hope cut away with a knife.

 

Curled up and crying,

Every thought, I pray I'm dying. Losing interest in everything, Blade drops with a ping.

~


Constantly on edge, numbness consumes,

Never ending worry dooms.

Fear taking over, losing all control,

Losing sight of any goal.

 

Struggling to breathe, gasping for air, Please save me from this nightmare.

Here we go again, dizziness, falling back, Tears falling as the room goes black.

~

Needing something to take away the stress,

Anything to make this hurt less.

Drugs and alcohol became my friend,

Why does the high have to end?

 

Who cares for the consequences? Please just strip all my senses.

I'm running out of battery, Can't take anymore agony.

~

Nobody gets why I'm so offended,

Was research never recommended? OCD isn't about the tidiness of papers,

It's obsessions to compulsive behaviours.

 

Don't claim you have it,

You don't understand one bit. Do you count all small things?

Steps, breaths, taps on your rings?

 

It controls your mind, Peace is hard to find. Can't sleep at night,

It's my mind I fight.

~

The memory plays over in my head,

When I get in and out of bed,

Will I escape this thought?

Of all the suffering his hands bought.

 

His hands on my skin,

I can still feel the bruises of his win. Mother says I deserve it,

This hell is a bottomless pit.

 

Left with the trauma,

Keeping it quiet to avoid drama.

How can I escape this domestic violence?

I could die without an ambulance.

~

The monster is always there, trying to get out, Can't find my safe hideout.

All the voices that surround, Can't see anyone around.

 

It's just so scary, nowhere to hide,

The mean voices have never lied.

People acting weird and appear to have changed,

They look at me like I'm acting strange.

~

Fear is always by my side, No escape, even if I tried. Darkness holds my hand,

Feel like I'm drowning in quicksand.

 

Society says I'm seeking attention,

They don't see all the tension.

Things are hard enough in my head, Leave your crap unsaid.

 

I didn't choose this life,

I could end it with a pill or knife,

But I can be resilient and stay,

Please consider what you say.

 

Mental Illnesses are not a joke, Beware for someone could be broke.

Lives hanging by a thread,

Was it what you said?